I would not kid about this.

"Oh i am sorry to hear that. Is she on bed rest?"
Just when you think you have heard them all.
This is why awareness is so important.
How the hell do you even respond to that?
At least if that person was handicapped or mentally challenged i could have lived with it. Just give them a t-shirt and send them to camp or something. But this person was actually in a high position at a financial institution. Not too SMRT huh?
OH MY GAD!

The Longest Flight

It hurts the most when it wasn't supposed to hurt. I always get flanked by emotions when it isn't particularly the right time to be emotional. It still wrenches the hell out of me when on my way up to bed i have to grab the test kit. As i run up the stairs with that little black case in my hand my throat closes up momentarily and the last few steps seem to take forever. So much crosses my mind at that point. Too much to even process. When will it ever be processed? Will it ever be something I just do? Is it the fact that i know one day will never ever have to test her again?
I cannot believe that Emma is going to have to test her blood sugar every single day for the rest of her life. I comprehend it enough to be able to not believe it.
But it is so easy. Her freshly bathed warm body distinctively relaxed and enjoying her dreams of Dora and Boots. Not a sound in her room. Not a movement other than myself pushing the test strip in the monitor and looking for the best access to her clean pruney finger.
At this point i am exploiting the fact that that this can be done fast with no negotiations.
I can't. Yet. I have to look at her before another procedure reminds me of what is or is not inside of her.
Taking the plunge and stealthily grabbing her tucked hand in one quick motion hoping she will not open her eyes to see me. but in her own way.... she then settles me. She lets me know everything is OK. She does so by volunteering her outreached hand and pointing her finger for me. Almost asking for her test.
She is such a doll. I was supposed to be the one who makes everything OK. As stubborn as she is she cannot let me. I love that little soul.
Something so routine and essential is becoming my most difficult and trying moment.

Give me something else to remember

I remeber weeks before Emma was DX'd i would cuddle her and smell her breath and thought it smelled so awesome. So sweet and delicious.

I remember getting all geared up to go the park and play for a good hour then walk home with her in my arms and her heavy head on my shoulder. So cuddly and comfy.

I remember seeing her drink her chocolate milk like it was the only drink left on earth and thinking how cute and adorable it was that when finished she couldnt even catch her breath enough to ask for more but just hold up her glass and i would refill it.

I rembember 22 month old Emma being totally potty trained and thinking it was great she ALWAYS was sitting on the potty. So smart.

I wish i did not have to remember these things.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

The week prior to Emma's diagnoses we saw many symptoms that would lead us to believe that she may have this disease. But that was after we know about these symptoms. If we had recently have read something relating to these symptoms, or talked to someone who was advocating awareness of this disease we could have caught it not by fluke (like we did). Thank god we did catch it by fluke but take that part of the equation out and we could have been dealing with fatal ignorance.
Recently i have noticed people on this blog who do not have diabetes, or have children that do not have this disease either. THIS IS GREAT! If this tool (the tool isn't me...it is a BLOG ;)) can reach someone going through some symptoms, be it themselves or their children, and making them aware enough to see that red flag to make the trip to the hospital, i am happy. I will believe i do make a difference.
So those of you new to my blog please read the past posts regarding lows, and the symptoms some of the Type 1 diabetics go through daily. Copy and paste what you need on a word document, print it out, and seriously keep an eye on you and your family.
So here is a list of not necessarily highs or lows, but symptoms of diabetes:

Unusual thirst
Frequent urination
Weight change (loss)
Extreme fatigue or lack of energy
Blurred vision
Frequent or recurring infections
Cuts and bruises that are slow to heal
Crankiness
Irritability

These symptoms seem harmless at first, but can in the end be fatal.
I really want to make people aware more than ever these days. It is not a dirty disease, where you have to test your blood sugar in the bathroom, or hide the fact that your counting every carb every day. Those of you, and parents who have children with diabetes can make a change. This is serious. It is real. We have to pull together and make everyone aware of this unpredictable, ignorant, life changing disease.

***EDIT****
Here is what also needs to be added to this post thanks to Maria and Bernard:
Maria i knew in Elementary school. How odd is that we meet up decades later as i was walking out of Emma's second ever Endo appointment. Odd may not be the word. But i wish we had never met again regarding these circumstances.
Bernard...well is Bernard. A perennial favourite of mine on here. He always has awesome things to say and relates what needs to be in technical form too. Good job my friend!

Maria said...
I'm so glad you posted the symptoms. My son had these symptoms for awhile. How long, I'm not really sure. In the back of mind I always thought "omg, what if it's diabetes". Then I thought "nah, not my son". If I may add a tidbit. If someone reads this and sees the symptoms for God's sake PLEASE don't be scared of seeing the doctor. It's such an easy little test. I thought if I denied it long enough they would go away. Am I a bad mother? I don't know.
Monday, October 15, 2007 9:01:00 AM
Bernard said...
Can I also add two others to your list.1. Leg cramps especially at night.2. Fruity smelling breath. This is ketones.It's really good to get the message out about the symptoms in general. Type 1 is a dangerous disease and you want to start treating it as soon as possible.

What is it like when your child has low blood sugar? How do they feel, what do they do? What do they say? How do they say it feels?

What does it feel like to have a low blood sugar? Please do your best to describe in words.

Show You Care

We often get emails from our local JDRF chapter on upcoming fundraising events and programs. I read every detail. Think through my head quickly of who would be able to come and participate. I think of who it would be cool to hang out with for that evening, get babysitters, and go have some fun while supporting our cause.
But then **POOF**! Gone. All but a mere lucid memory. A situation that never develops. Never even gets to the first phone call.
This may sound weird but asking for people to support the JDRF has become an awkward stance for myself. I don't know if the problem lies in who i rely on support for. Or the problem is en stowed within me asking my peeps for money. When in fact i probably owe many of them a dime here or there. I just cant shake it baby!
So this has to stop. It will stop. I am not asking for cash so i can go out for sushi, or purchase a playboy. (HUH?) I haven't purchased a playboy since i have turned legal age to do so. Now that's just weird. Denise has purchased a few for me in the past. But that is irrelevant. And WAAY off topic. (for now).
This weekend is Rocking for the Cure. It is being put on by a Father and Mother of Kaylee who is 9 and has had type 1 for 3 years now.
Not only have i called a few of my peeps (if i say peeps it makes me sound REALLY cool and hip). I am in the process of getting a football signed by none other than our Grey Cup bound Winnipeg Blue Bombers! Totally smack! (am i cool on this Friday or what?)
This is just the beginning. I swear on it.
I have a few ideas that are manifesting themselves, and have been for quite some time.
I want to make a difference. The difference starts now!
Have an awesome weekend everyone. Sorry i have to start moderating comments now for a while but, I'm cool with that.
By the way, there are a many blogs that i have read on here that their numbers in terms of fundraising have absolutely astounded me.
Way to go all.
Way to do your part.
Way to show you care.

A BIT ABOUT EMMA

Irking Level Set To High

Whenever i write on here i first look around for inspiration. So really at the end of the day i do not have to look too far. There are so many great people on this OC that keep us all in check most of the times.
I claim to be an expert about Diabetes, but if you tell yourself something over and over you begin to believe it yourself even if it is the farthest thing from the truth.
I read all of you talk about the types of insulin you and your children are on. I read about the research you have all been in tune with over the past while. Some more than others.
This translates to everyday for me. As when i do meet someone with Type 1 i am absolutely captivated by the fact. I tend to open up and try to sink every thing that they do and say in.
This i think is where you get your "feel" from. Sure calculating carb:insulin ratios is and has to be precise but you must develop a feel. Develop is the main word here. I know this will not happen over night, nor do i want it to. But it will happen and i hope Emma gets this feel with her feet moving 100 miles an hour.
This is developing.

That Was a Tight Roll..now pass it around...

A high here, a high there, here a high there a high everywhere a high high.
Lil miss Emma had a high ei-ei-o.
And with that high she had a pee e-i-e-ooo.
With a crank crank here and a crank crank there...
..you get the idea.
Momma was totally freaked out on Sunday that her ol' reliable test kit read "HI". I didn't receive honors in school nor did i do well with numbers. But one of the things i did learn is differentiate between letters and numbers (most of the time). So WTF will a "HI" reading tell you? Especially when you think in numbers then translate it yourself to either high or low.
So that was hard to do it the other way around.
It was totally awesome being at a Wedding and stepping out to call a doctor on call (well momma did anyhow, i just stayed inside and drank a lot more gin).
So with saying this it is obvious that we are entering one of those "next" phases.
Not as scary as i depicted in previous posts. But confusing none the less.
Emma is starting to verbalize how she is feeling in her stomach to us which is in terms of your daughter having a disease TREMENDOUS!
We have pulled out the PEN. Hopefully she will embrace it, or at the very least not quiver when she sees it.

Is It So

Last week our Endo was really impressed on how we were sitting over the past year and actually took time to reflect with us. There was in intern with her too so i thought that was a great thing to do with her there.
Doctor Sellers asked us what has been the biggest change in the past year? It is by far the fear factor.
One year ago both Denise and myself were absolutely petrified. There was nothing more frightening than thinking that we have to draw medication from a vile, measuring it properly and injecting it into our daughter.
Fear.
The fact that if the dose is wrong or inaccurate that will make Emma sick and compromised.
Fear.
Emma will be alone walking to school one day. She should be getting slurpees with her friends after school. She will eventually be out of our line of site. This may cause this disease to find vulnerability in our little girl and hurt her.
Fear.
Emma is going to be teased. She will be looked at differently from many people including family, friends, co-workers. Emma will cry because of this. She will have to worry about this instead of worrying about if her shoes are "in" or her braces may look weird.
It is very fearful.