Saturday, September 12, 2009

Kinder - what - what!

First day of Kindergarten.
It did not really hit me until walking into that playground with school bus's buzzing around, teachers corralling their classes, and countless energetic kids running around with their mates.
Structured learning is something that is very welcomed at t his point. Until now sure she has learned but not to the extent of an actual curriculum based learn.
Everyone was excited, but Anna had no clue other than Barney had to be stopped 10 minutes earlier that morning.

Fortunately there will be a nurse in her room at all times. This is not how things are done in Canada with type 1 but there is a girl in her room that requires that care. So that just gives us copious amounts of confidence from day to day. Mrs. S (teacher) none the less seems to be really really good. And we have heard a lot about her.

An emergency kit is available in the Kindergarten room, gym, and the office. Ready for those hopefully none existent lows. Pictures of students with medical needs are not permitted in the school system any more. But from day to day everyone will learn about Emma.

Emma mentioned about 10 times yesterday how much she likes Kindergarten. And was very talkative about her first class.

Mom cried, i didn't.
Moving forward however terrifies me to death on the first time she is excluded, teased, or singled out because of her type 1. It terrifies me because i will not know how to react. But i will react. Usually without thinking. I ONLY want to say the right things to Emma when this happens. Q. Has this happened to you? Your child? How do you deal with it? What do you say to them? <----- reaching out for help.

Not much gets to me...but this certainly does.

My Big Girl. I love you so much.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Baby girl...I wish you did not have diabetes.

Monday, September 07, 2009


When your 4 (almost 5) year old type 1 diabetic child tells you that she is shaky and feels low....FUCKING LISTEN TO HER.

Oh man do i ever feel like an idiot. Please let me beat myself up for a bit here.

Yesterday Emma and myself were doing our own thing in the basement...playing dolls and playing tiger woods golf...(insert who was doing what here).

EMMA: "Dadee...i'm feeling shaky."

Dadee: "Okay E. "

So i guess when she heard my words "Okay E".
She felt i was in control of the situation and i would look after her. But god dammit. Why did i not listen to her. Why did i not do something about this right away. I feel like balling as i write this.
NOT the least bit acceptable. We preach, advocate, brag, on how well we manage her diabetes and how dialed in we are. Also on how well Emma is in control of how she feels and how she can literate it.
All of that went down the toilet yesterday - for myself.
Yes obviously she was REALLY low. After i got off my ass and looked after her i drove to macs and got her a 10g thin chocolate bar. So after that she was 2.8 (50.4).
This was so bad she told mom what happened and started to cry.
Cry because she thought i did not care?
Did she cry because she felt like shit and i did not do anything about it?
Was she crying because she knows exactly what happened - and daddy fucked up on such a serious volume?

Terrible terrible.
This will never happen again.
I am so thankful and blessed to have Denise on this side of Emma's diabetes. Momma is as close to a cure there is in my eyes.
Thanks for looking after my girl.