Monday, July 28, 2008

What? You have diabetes too? Thats umm..terrific...

About a month ago i was having lunch with the boys in brown. Later on that lunch hour just after them checking their diads about 30 times each and laughing on how assinine the management is. I Learned that one of my co-workers sons was diagnosed with Type 1 about 2 weeks prior. It broke my heart and nearly brought me to tears. It is odd though the second thought that comes to mind for a split second is that "great! now we have someone in common with what we are going through"
But that quickly changes to madness that one of my friends life has changed.

Fast forward 1 month later to the PlayersCup. I was caddying once again for a friend of mine Luke. His girlfriend (since then now his fiance) Nikki has a sister that has Type 1 as well. So there was a natural connection when they came though and visited us here. Other than the fact she just fell in love with Emma and Anna.

So on the first day of the tournament i noticed the other golfers caddies bracelet. So i asked him what it was for. And he too was diagnosed with diabetes over a month and a half ago. (start doing the math here).

We talked about it. He seemed really brave and at peace with the whole thing which i thought was super. I watched him test, and talked about how he feels when he is low, high, etc. Could it be a facad? I don't know. I have never been diagnosed with diabetes when i was 14. So i took it as it was.

Days later i was at Safeway picking up a few things and i was thinking about him. Then i clued in on his glaring blue eyes just like Deb's from UPS. And it clicked. Boy did it click. I got on my phone immediately and called her. That was her son. I thought that was wild.

I had to address that because it is such a crazy ass disease and overtakes peoples lives at times. And This 14 year old was carrying a 50 pound golf bag up and down hills and following excellent etiquette and handling himself like a pro. Something i could never have done at 14 with out diabetes.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

It Hurts Too Much Sometimes

Emma is starting not to understand why she needs needles all of the time. The more she is learning about what has happened to her the more she doesn't know what is happening to her. This in itself tears us to pieces.
I have not yet seen her wake us up in the morning with a huge smile on her face holding her NPH in one hand and her rapid in the other while her syringe is in her mouth asking us to please give her insulin because she needs it for energy and not to feel yucky. Or dropping everything she is doing because she wants to come over to us and have us give her a needle.
Weird eh?
Shit. Instead we are convincing her to settle and without struggle to take 5 seconds out of her day to dose her. It is getting harder and harder by the day to dose her. As much as the dosing is like clockwork so is her little excuses and evasiveness. FUCK.
The very worst moments of our lives can come at times when we finally convince her (on the verge of losing our Patience) to receive the injection, finally settling into her deep breathing, picking a site, and holding still. But dammit to all hell. That is the one that hurts her. That is the time she runs away from us. To her time out spot. Not wanting to have anything to do with us. Mom is crying at this point. I am crying. Emma is beside herself. Anna's face turns to a gleaming smile to a serious "knowing whats going on" kind of look.
Emma is hurt. Her skin hurts. Her yucky cells hurt. Full fledged tears.
As much as people ask us how we are doing and how Emma is doing with it all. We smile and say its good and go into our prefabricated "as long as we watch her, and she exercises, eats well..etc..everything is OK" sort of thing. It still fucking sucks.
I wish she could have had 6,8,10, or 14 years without this.
A break. A break. Give us a break for a year, a month, a day. An hour.

I will be better tomorrow.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Run Forest Run

It is unreal what exercise and excitement brings to the diabetes table. This past week we have had the pleasure of having my little sisters kids stay with us. Emma has been beside herself! And so has her lower BS's. This is a really humble reminder on how much excercise means to a diabetics life. Makes me think of the first days of her DX when our Diabetes educator (who was featured on my last post standing with Denise at the walk) who is Type 1 as well. She is in incredible shape. She trains as if her life depends on it. Well you know it actually does depend on it!

She mentioned that often she does not have to take insulin during the day due to her working out running, playing soccer or whatever the case may be. So who better to have diabetes other than Emma. I am convinced at times she forgets how to walk because all she does is run as if she was Forest Gump!

I really wonder this all of the time about people with diabetes and parents with children with diabetes on how much exercise affects their lives. I wish i could have all of you in a room at one time and have the floor to ask these questions and hear your responses.

With saying that i would love to hear what you all have to say about this.

And remember to ask me about the Mentor ship program next time OK? I would love to tell you all about it!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Our last couple of months in pics....

And that is what we have been up to. I guess its called life. We think of everyone often and hope you all are doing tremendous!
This post could be what i need to get back in the game!
Talk to you all soon.