I woke up early as usual. Quietly raced to the shower, creeping between the squeaky hardwood floors guessing where the non squeakage boards are. This was important that I let Momma and Emma sleep. They have had a terrible last couple of days. Emma's days consisted of crying a lot, drinking more, and peeing even more. Mommas last days were spent missing work and going to a walk in clinic hoping to get medication for Emma's' bladder infection. (That would have been really awesome if she did have that infection!)
Then they were informed without any reason to go to her Pediatrician, Hospital, back to the Pediatrician, then essentially back to the Children's Hospital where she met our next head on at 100 miles an hour.
All this time we were talking on the phone between trips while i was at work. Momma was crying, stressed, and confused. I was the Man. Right? Being "The Man" holds responsibility. It holds an expectation. It holds the right to say nothing is wrong and to walk it off.
Well..."The Man" got his ass kicked hard that day.
The man realizes there is something more powerful than anything he could imagine. It is:
Emma, Mom, Dad facing a Diabetes Specialist informing us that Emma has Type 1 Diabetes. And is here to stay even if we do not welcome it day to day.
Upon falling into this dark deep hole. You start to rationalize if this person knows what they are talking about. Your doubt is only temporary. Your doubt turns into complete sadness. Your sadness turns into utter confusion. All the while seeing your wife quiver with her head down and knowing she is not just being a girl, but being a human being who is getting the gravity of the situation but not understanding it.
Where is the light? Where is the hand that is going to grab you and take you to safety? Please show us. But instead the Doctor went directly into telling us about insulin, blood sugars, testing, highs, lows. THIS IS REAL.
Is my child's life in danger? Can she die? What the fuck is diabetes?
I will never ever forget this day. Nor do i want to. Everyone must know. Everyone must see Emma go through this She is the bravest person i know.
She is and always will be my Hero.
I love you Emma. We will keep you safe.