Saturday, September 29, 2007

One Year Ago Today

I woke up early as usual. Quietly raced to the shower, creeping between the squeaky hardwood floors guessing where the non squeakage boards are. This was important that I let Momma and Emma sleep. They have had a terrible last couple of days. Emma's days consisted of crying a lot, drinking more, and peeing even more. Mommas last days were spent missing work and going to a walk in clinic hoping to get medication for Emma's' bladder infection. (That would have been really awesome if she did have that infection!)
Then they were informed without any reason to go to her Pediatrician, Hospital, back to the Pediatrician, then essentially back to the Children's Hospital where she met our next head on at 100 miles an hour.
All this time we were talking on the phone between trips while i was at work. Momma was crying, stressed, and confused. I was the Man. Right? Being "The Man" holds responsibility. It holds an expectation. It holds the right to say nothing is wrong and to walk it off.
Well..."The Man" got his ass kicked hard that day.
The man realizes there is something more powerful than anything he could imagine. It is:
Emma, Mom, Dad facing a Diabetes Specialist informing us that Emma has Type 1 Diabetes. And is here to stay even if we do not welcome it day to day.
Upon falling into this dark deep hole. You start to rationalize if this person knows what they are talking about. Your doubt is only temporary. Your doubt turns into complete sadness. Your sadness turns into utter confusion. All the while seeing your wife quiver with her head down and knowing she is not just being a girl, but being a human being who is getting the gravity of the situation but not understanding it.
Where is the light? Where is the hand that is going to grab you and take you to safety? Please show us. But instead the Doctor went directly into telling us about insulin, blood sugars, testing, highs, lows. THIS IS REAL.
Is my child's life in danger? Can she die? What the fuck is diabetes?
I will never ever forget this day. Nor do i want to. Everyone must know. Everyone must see Emma go through this She is the bravest person i know.
She is and always will be my Hero.
I love you Emma. We will keep you safe.


Scott K. Johnson said...

Very touching post Chris. As more time passes these days may be looked at as celebrations of all that you (and Emma and Moma) have overcome in dealing with all of this.

Chris said...

Thanks Scott. And thanks for a year of amazing support and thoughts toward Emma and us. Ironic that you were the first blog that i picked up on a year ago and here we are in the same spot but have come so far too.
Thanks Bud!

Minnesota Nice said...

Oh Chris. Such a poignant anniversary.
But, I look forward to seeing Ms. Emma grow to be a strong and vibrant girl (heck, she already is!)
My best for good days ahead.

cesnh said...

Emma will be safe because you are wonderful parents. I've said it before but - parents of children w/ diabetes continue to astound me and amaze me. You are all wonderful.

Penny said...

Those anniversaries suck, Chris. Riley's second one is in a few short days.

I dread it. Really, really dread it.

Christine-Megan said...

Congrats on one year! Emma is so lucky to have such great parents! You're doing so well.

Emma and I share a dx date.

Chris said...

Kathy: I am excited for you to see Emma grow up too. I promise not to leave the blogspot. As i like seeing everyone on here too. I have a nucleas of poeple on here that i feel a special bond with and i do not want to let that go.

Colleen: I guess it is a little different angle when you hear parents manage and deal with this. As much as this sucks it is a nautural instinct that we have to protect and sustain our children. Thank you so much for the praise. We need that once in a while.

Penny: Good luck on your day. I am sure the amount of the anniversaries we have we all deal with them differently but the effect is still the same. I hope to hear from you more.

Christine: Thanks. I really think that is special that you share the same DX date. We will think of you always on that date for now on this is for sure.

Kerri. said...

Chris, this was a very lovely and bittersweet post. You guys are a remarkable family and my little friend Emma is a truly remarkable little girl.

Shannon said...

Huh, it really has been a year. It seems like you've been around the OC much longer than that. Really.

Right from the start, you all seemed to take the bull by the horns and not let Emma's diabetes hold you back from the lives you all are meant to live.

And from the start, Emma made a huge impression on me. I hope someday our kids can all meet up.

Paige said...

Amazing what one year can bring. Olivia was diagnosed 8 months ago today and I can hardly believe all that was once so overwhelming is so integrated into each day now. I remember thinking that I would never be able to check her blood sugar...

You are an amazing support for that amazing little girl. The coming years will bring so many challenges, but I am sure you will all continue to handle everything so well.

Lisa said...

Your post made me cry. Emma is a doll! We are only 6 months in as of tomorrow, but I'm already not looking forward to that anniversary. It's amazing how much a part of your life this disease becomes.

Thanks for the post.

Jamie said...

Anniversaries are bittersweet Chris. They're sad in the sense that you think back to the day when your child was diagnosed, and it was such a horrible, horrible day (the worst day with us). But, it's also a day of pride. Pride in your daughter for all that she deals with on a daily basis and pride in yourselves for all the extra hard work you put into ensuring your child is healthy. Not that parents don't want their children to be healthy, it's just that with a D child, it's that much more work.

Congrats to you and Denise for doing a fabulous job with Emma. She is growing in a beautiful little girl and she is absolutely thriving. And, big hugs to her for all that she endures each and every day. Our D kids are pretty darned special :)

Take care.

Allison said...

I think the first year is the hardest. It certainly was for me. After the first year is over, you no longer feel as helpless, scared and intimidated by this disease. It does not go away, but it gets easier and there will come a time that Emma, you and your wife will live with diabetes and not have it control every moment of every day. Emma is extremely lucky to have such loving and devoted parents and this will make her stronger along the way. Although diabetes is devestating, it is controable and with the right devices, medication and mindset, Emma will be able to live a long, and happy life. Emma, just like every child with diabetes, amazes me every day.

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