Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Is It So

Last week our Endo was really impressed on how we were sitting over the past year and actually took time to reflect with us. There was in intern with her too so i thought that was a great thing to do with her there.
Doctor Sellers asked us what has been the biggest change in the past year? It is by far the fear factor.
One year ago both Denise and myself were absolutely petrified. There was nothing more frightening than thinking that we have to draw medication from a vile, measuring it properly and injecting it into our daughter.
Fear.
The fact that if the dose is wrong or inaccurate that will make Emma sick and compromised.
Fear.
Emma will be alone walking to school one day. She should be getting slurpees with her friends after school. She will eventually be out of our line of site. This may cause this disease to find vulnerability in our little girl and hurt her.
Fear.
Emma is going to be teased. She will be looked at differently from many people including family, friends, co-workers. Emma will cry because of this. She will have to worry about this instead of worrying about if her shoes are "in" or her braces may look weird.
It is very fearful.

8 comments:

Jamie said...

Nice to see you back blogging Chris :)

I just wrote a post not too long about this (sorta). About sending Danielle to school next year. That damned fear factor. I'm so scared to send her - because of the D. I'm scared she'll get teased. I'm scared she'll be singled out. I'm scared she'll be labelled as different and treated as such.

I guess I'm not going to know until she goes. But that fear nags at the back of my mind constantly. I completely know where you're coming from.

Amylia said...

Lovely post. Not that fear is lovely--I just mean your way with words is lovely.


fear is on the minds and in the hearts of all diabetics and all diabetic parents--there is no way to avoid all fear, but that it may be lessening is a wonderful thing.

as a type 1 for 18+ years, I don't fear my day-to-day life. I trust I can handle all situations that come my way. I've never been hospitalized for my diabetes or had such a bad low or high that I couldn't get help or help myself, but the fear of complications, off in the distance--in the future--that fear stays with me, lingering in the back of my mind always, as much as I like to pretend it is not there.

But I am okay. And your daughter is okay. And we will be okay, no matter what life throws our way.

Chrissie in Belgium said...

Honestly, would one choose having the diabetes oneself or having a diabetic child - there is not a doubt in my mine - I would choose it for my self! Fear for your child comes into the picture for a diabetic when they themselves are going to have children. Will I create a diabetic child?! I remember the fear of that. I remember how important I judged it to be that my children were not given candy - this was back in the 70s when no doctor , but common sense told me that it wouldn't be good for children of diabetics to eat a lot of candy - why tempt fate?! As a small child with diabetes one is more often ANGRY rather than fearful. As a child one doesn't believe that complications are REAL. Even with a high bg value you do not feel that terrible. That feeling usually doesn't come until later, after years of bodily abuse. Fear hits the diabetic when the first teeny complications do actually begin occurring, and then most of us just smother that fear or hide it in a closet because we do not know how to deal with it. What is hard about the diabetic's fear is that often even if we try, we fail. That is at least how it feels! So what do you do with that fear of complications which one finds no way to avoid! But right now and for the next years, Emma will mostly be angry about diabetes and she WILLl worry about the "shoes being in"! And until they find some cure for this disease you will have the worry, the fear.

Shannon said...

You pretty much named every fear I had for Brendon when he was first diagnosed.

Over time those fears were put to rest when I saw that he'd be just fine in school, that kids haven't made fun of him and shunned him, that the nurse is taking impeccable care of him.

There are more fears to be reckoned with though and I know there will be an endless stream of them.

Emma belongs to a family where if she faces any of these fears, she'll have such love and support from you and Denise that she won't have a choice but to overcome them and do so with flying colors.

Chris said...

Thank you for taking the time to comment on this.
It looks like everyone is on the same page here with this be it a diabetic or parents with children with diabetes. It is validated.
The one thing though that seemed to be commom in your comments is that the fear has not manifested itself, it is still there but other things come into play wich are a lot less volatile than fear. Such as worry and uncertaintly.
Thank you again for your exceptional care and thoughts towards this, me, my family and especially Emma.
You guys rock.

Penny said...

Chris,

I remember bringing Riley home and being afraid that I would do something wrong and kill him.

I remember thinking after taking a week off from work that I couldn't leave him in my mom's care.

I remember being fearful of the first birthday party he was invited to after his D because I was afraid of what the cake would do to his sugar and if the other kids would see him as different.

And, most recently, I remember the fear I had of sending him to school.

But, all of my fears were unfounded. I didn't kill him. He does fine at my mom's and at birthday parties. It turns out he's a pretty popular kid. And, the world did not end when he started spending 7 hours at school every day.

Even though I know all this, I'm still fearful about his future, about college, about a lot of things.

When it comes to your kids you can't help it. I think you and Denise have done a wonderful job keeping the fear at bay and moving on with life. And, because of that, Emma will have a much firmer grasp on how to care for herself one day. She's lucky to have you guys.

Maria said...

I know it's hard to believe but the fear does subside a bit. I know our kids were diagnosed around the same time but Zack is a little older. He walked to school last year after just being diagnosed and I was terrified. But we made it through the whole year and never had a problem. Now he even stays at school for lunch and gives his own insulin with the pen.
As for being teased. He has never told me anyone has said anything bad to him. He is actually a little celebrity in his grade one class. He tests his blood for afternoon snack and everyone loves the beeps of the machine and seeing the process.
Please know what great parents you both are and that when Emma does go for a slurpee she will do the right thing. It's all in the parenting and the lessons we teach them.

Major Bedhead said...

I missed this post somehow.

I worried about all this stuff with Olivia, too. For the most part, the fears have been unfounded. I've always treated Olivia's diabetes matter-of-factly, not as something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of and I think she's embraced that attitude, too. Once in a while she'll squick out about it, but 99% of the time, she's fine about it. Not in your face, just there. And her friends have all been great. Seriously great. One friend asked me to show her how to give glucagon! (I didn't - she was 10 at the time, but I was touched by her gesture.) They all remind her to check her blood sugar and ask her if she's bolused. And these are teen-aged girls. It's kind of amazing.

I can remember a couple of times people saying something about her site or staring at it. She stares right back and will even say something like "Yes? Can I help you?" in that tone that 13 year-old girls have mastered (just you wait - it's so much fun. Oy.).

I think the way you treat Emma and her diabetes will definitely be picked up by her. And you sure don't seem embarrassed or ashamed or any of those other things, so it's doubtful that she'll feel that way too often either.