Sunday, April 22, 2007

Excuse me while i take a dump

Try blowing this out of proportion if you can.

Finally the sun and heat has encroached into our beautiful city. Allowing us to dust off the bikes, balls, and bar-b-q's. Ahhh summer...screeech...not so fast cowboy mother natures muffles. We all have to remember the violent snow storm that hit us 2 years ago this coming may 14th. But let us not all live in that fear.

So onward we go. Onward to our first bike ride of the year. Emma gets fastened into her seat that sits in the crotch of Mom's sport check special bike. And i pull out my Diamondback Copperhead equipped with NEX suspension forks,hayes solo disc brakes, and ncs performance crankshaft. Oh lord this is a sweet ride.

Oh i forgot to mention one slightly under inflated front tire. Damn those get you all the time.

So on the first leg of our journey Emma and Mom are ahead of me enjoying what you should on a bike ride with the family. But i am a little behind just doing a once over on my kick ass ride. Bouncing the front shocks-check, front break pressure-check, rear brake pressure-check. All is good!

Mom and Emma are still ahead of me turning left on a path with a lady pushing her child in a stroller. The lady stops, lets the girls by, and i follow as they are turning left i start my turn and being the diplomat i am i offer my thanks and excuse us as we pass. It went like this:

Me "hi, excuse u . s." ........oooaahhh hpmph scrape crash skid. Front tire going its own way and me going hard to the ground.

Lady "are you OK?" Emma starts crying, momma starts laughing and i look up at the lady with my sunglasses only covering one eye and the other part on my forehead, leg under the bike, and say:
"I am OK .....but my Pride is a little hurt" (i have always wanted to use that line)
But why would at that moment I get up as if nothing happened and continue my ride inconspicuously?
Maybe she would forget what happened.
Maybe i was just thinking all of this.
Maybe the blood running down my hand and my daughter Crying is a figment to me.

Ok that was slightly embarrassing.
But within moments we both had tears on our eyes we were laughing so damn hard.

Happy gay times.


Jamie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your dump!! It's a good thing your family is so "gay" (happy) so you could see the humour in it. I could totally picture the whole scene as I was reading it (and it sounds like something that would happen to me .... in fact - come to think of it - it HAS). I feel your pain - you can't help but laugh.

I'm giggling over here...

Penny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Penny said...


(and sorry aobut the deleted comment)

Chris said...

Oh you guys..i was so devistated . I was being so cool and looking the part, then the unthinkable happend. Denise said she was probably on her cell phone a few minutes later telling her friends of what just transpired. ( i would have).
The only thing i could do was laugh.

Jamie said...

Chris - I was in high school and one night a friend and I decided to go for a bike ride. I borrowed my Dad's 10 speed (you know the ones with the big curled under handles?) for some reason. Anyhow, we went by a gas station and my friend said she had to add air to one of her tires so we went over there. She said my front tire looked a little flat so she offered to put air in it for me - so I let her.

Sooo, off we went on our bikes, looking cool, checkin' out the scenes when we were clear across town and I heard, what sounded like a shot gun go off. Next thing I knew, I flew forward and, well, "bagged" myself on the bike (damned men's bikes!!!!). I'm surprised I went on to have children .... I digress.

I remember it quite clearly now - and it actually happened in front of a house where we knew the girl that lived there. I was laying there, on their lawn, grabbing my private parts while my best friend laughed so hard tears were streaming down her face and her legs were crossed to avoid peeing herself.

It was humiliating so I really DO understand - but, like you, I did have to laugh about it - I can only imagine what it looked like *sigh*.

Oh, and just so you know - me and bikes don't get along very well. Just before I got pregnant with Danielle I fell off my bike in our backyard. I was showing off to Vince and I freakin' fell off. He was trying so hard not to laugh as I sat there on the ground trying not to cry.

I'm so cool.

Jenn said...

Oh Chris..! What i would have given to see that!! When Denise told me I had a pretty vivid image of what you looked like taking that dump.. but now.. Oh Chris!!


Shannon said...

Balls, crotch, ass, and god man, don't you know how to keep your posts clean?!

I love that Denise was laughing her ass off at you.

Oh my, I would have been rolling on the ground at the sight, LOL!!!!!!!

Chris said...

You are all too kind.
THe only thing missing was birds and music notes circling my head.
Go ahead people ..laugh...laugh your asses off....!!!!

Shannon said...

You KNOW you wanted us to laugh.

Carey said...

Dusting off balls? Come on, man. My kids read these blogs.

I enjoyed the image of you like a cyborg with your sunglasses all mangled.

Shannon said...

Carey, where were you during the whole gay controversy?

Thanks for bailing ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi Chris,

Just a correction on the snow storm that hit before and on our wedding day was 3 years ago now...That reminds me I had better get an anniversary present lol