I was sitting in the other room this morning going over my day. Thinking of where i am going what types of goals i should set for the calls I make. At this moment it was time for Emma's morning dose. Lately it has been a task giving her insulin and even just testing her has become more of a process with bribing, pausing, or even HOLD YOUR BREATH...turning DORA completely off...gasp! But we will never make idle threats and irrational commentary for her to cooperate.
Anyway i was sitting there now focuses on the two voices in the other room. It went kind of like this:
emma please this will only take one second...
momma..do you have diabetes?
no sweetie..
what did you eat for breakfast? why don't you need insulin?
i had cereal, my pancreas makes insulin, but you need yours through your arm, leg or bum
This is dialogue that occurs quite frequently in our home. Most of the time it is not prompted by us asking about her diabetes but her asking us about it. She will be 3 in December. So lets say she is 2 at the moment. So how does a 2 year old comprehend this? Yes she does comprehend it because of this short snippet of dialogue i over heard the other day just after i heard the "beep" on her freestyle:
oh Emms i need to give you 1 unit.
no momma i feel low (the reading was 17.7 btw)
emms you feel low? what happens when you feel low?
my tummy hurts and i eat snack
Diabetes is on our minds. It is the topic of most of our conversations. It fills my thoughts all day. It is not consuming me or us. It is a part of us. We know what happens when you don't think about it and let your guard down for one second. One second can change how a days numbers are, how irritable Emma can be, or how yucky she feels.
So our dukes are ALWAYS up. This is fine with me. I welcome it. Our skin is becoming callused just as Emma's fingers are. If you think you know your child. Try having a child with this disease.
You actually think you can see inside them. You are always looking at possible symptoms of a high or a low. But wishing for the symptom of a normal blood sugar.
This disease allows you to see how gorgeous your little souls are.
It allows us to realize how lucky we are to be able to give them insulin.
It allows us to know how beautiful life is.
It really is beautiful.
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7 comments:
Little Emma is trying to process and make sense of all of this. What an overwhelming job for an almost 3 yr old!
It's true that this disease is on our minds 24/7, yet it's not consuming somehow.
And no one really knows their child inside and out the way a parent with a D child does.
Chris,
You have me crying this morning. It's been a while since anyone's post has made me cry. It's the calloused skin, I think.
You're so right, life is beautiful. Thanks for reminding me.
Chris-
I woke up this morning, grabbed a cup of coffee and, because Evan is still sleeping, thought I'd catch up with some D-blogs.
And then I stopped here.
Yes, life is beautiful-- and so was this post.
Thank you.
She sounds like Danielle. The high/low thing is all the same to her ... high is low and low is low. But, it's such a huge step for them - they are smart little munchkins. Unfortunately, it's not something you ever wanted them to ever have to learn *sigh*.
Yes, you're right though - while this disease is 24/7 and always on your mind, it's not utterly all-consuming (or you'd go insane). Although I will admit I do have my days when I do feel batty. (we're just in the recovery of a stomach bug around here .... oh what joys)
We are lucky to be able to give our children insulin. Life is beautiful and so are our children :)
That's beautiful. Thanks for posting.
My favorite of your posts so far.
Thank you.
Chris
Thank you for such a moving post.
If you've not found it yet, you might be interested in what we're doing at the diabetes365 project on flickr. As one of the photographers, I truly know what you mean about diabetes filling your thoughts all day.
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