My Hope

Well here we go. Two days away from our first of many JDRF walks.
What are we in for?
How will we feel?
Is this even worth it?
Should we have raised more money?
Done more volunteering?
So many questions.
I have been looking forward to in the past months was this walk. Both of us have for that matter. I know everyone else involved does not know what they are in for.
We are uniting. We are walking for our little girl. She needs us. Everyone there will be there because they want to. They need their face there to show everyone else that they care. It is necessary.
Surrounded by so many little ones with diabetes will have an impact on those who are walking with us on Sunday. Even i know they have been impacted already but i am sure they are in for something new.
I really hope it is evident that day.
My hope is they know how important of a day this is for us. My hope for them is that they feel some emotion relative to the day we were told about this altering disease.
Emma Denise and myself need the 40 other walkers on Team Emma to see the other 2 year olds, the other 10 year olds, and the other teenagers that this is a serious fuck of a disease.
Realizing that taking your 2 year old to the zoo and breaking for a snack because they may be hungry is not why you stop for a snack. You stop. You think. You look around at all the juice boxes given to the kids so the "guardian" can sit and have a break. Knowing they will be occupied for the next 3 minutes still, not thirsty, sucking this 30 gram of carb box of sugar back. While they squeeze the box upon sucking every last drop out of it, chucking into the garbage and carrying on to go see the monkeys. While looking at the monkeys you look at your little monkey with your newly adopted xray vision. Looking her as a number. Where is it going? Did she have too much. Or not enough. What is she now. Where is she.
So be it ... So be it if i have to quickly drink half of the drinking box so my daughter only consumes 15 grams of it. So be it if i have to monitor her actions, color, and mood after a juice box. So be it.
As much as this is so. It still hurts. She is Emma. She is safe.