Monday, March 05, 2007

Oh Nuts!?

Upon entering the gym changeroom this past Friday. I glanced over at the air dryer and noticed a man, an old man he was, choosing to dry himself off under this dryer. He was shaking his (what seemed to be a hand towel) between his legs, i guess to expedite the drying process in his "region". However upon further investigation it was not his hand towel he was shaking but merely his nutsack! And i swear to god if he let go of one end of it, it would have smacked the poor unsuspecting swimmer sitting next to him. Good thing the swimmer had just put on his goggles i had thought.
I am pretty sure since his nutsack was so gargantuan and elastic he could climb to the highest tree, grab each end of his "cloak" and float from tree to tree, just as a flying squirrel would in search of a warm place to sleep.
With saying this i wonder what does the future hold for my sleeve? How do i manage this possibility? How do i go about damage control? Is this a natural physical change that every man goes through? I sure hope it is just a statistic. I have googled it but nothing comes up of any value to my concern. Just scary pictures of flying squirrels.
Or even it is very possible this man was a ignorant and not a very nice person to others growing up. And in turn he himself became a "nutsack of epic proportions". I guess time and gravity will tell the tale as we move on.
But until then it is supportive briefs, no air dryers, and minding my p's and q's.

21 comments:

Shannon said...

I don't know whether to be flattered or appalled that my return to the blogosphere would inspire you to write about an old man's elastic scrotum.

Nonetheless, it was f'ing hilarious!! The stuff that goes on in men's locker rooms at the gym....

Has he no shame? Jesus...

I suggest you wear a jockstrap while jogging to prevent droopage.

Jamie said...

HOLY CRAP! Dear lord Chris you make me freakin' laugh!!! My kids are wondering why Mommy is laughing at the computer .... I gotta get Vince to read this one ....

ROFLMAO.

Don't get me started on what I saw in the Y changeroom on Saturday. Let's just say I had to drag Brooke out of there, jaw dragging on the floor, before she said anything .... it ain't the 70's anymore lady ...

Shannon said...

P.S. I suggest you don't break the horizon when you're in the gym locker room from now on.

Jenn said...

Oh Chris!! That is so funny.. and unfortunatly I have an image in my head I dont care for..lol.

Too funny.

Chris said...

Hey Guys!
I needed to get that out. That was the direction this blog was taking pre diabetes. Sorry you all got caught in the crossfire , but im glad you laughed...thats what it was for.

Shannon said...

LOL. I know how it is feeling the urge to purge.....

Carey said...

There's just not enough observational sackage writings out there in the OC. Well done. This cracked me up.

Penny said...

Gee Chris, thanks for the visual I now have in my head.

julia said...

Pass the bleach. I need to scrub that image from my brain.

Jamie said...

Hey Shannon - sounds like that guy was below the horizon ... what do you do in a case like that?? LOL LOL LOL.

Shannon said...

Jamie...LOL!! The horizon is the neck region, LOL. It's waaaay up there!!

Chris...look who's talking! You post once a week and it drives me "nuts"....

Jamie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jamie said...

Ok, that was me that deleted that comment (just so you know). Obviously I was thinking the horizon was a bit lower LOL LOL. SOOO, word to the wise, when you're in the Y changing room - keep eyes on the floor (god forbid you should see anything there) or to the ceiling.

My best friend is a BN up north and has told me a few horrifying "flying squirrel" stories. Isn't she lucky to see that on a regular basis???

Shannon said...

There's a show called Puppetry of the Penis that is done by some Australian guys and they manipulate their doo-dads into sailboats and all sorts of crazy characters.

My mom saw the show. Crazy woman.

www.puppetryofthepenis.com/

Kerri. said...

Awesome post. I needed an F-ing laugh.

And those penis puppet guys have been known to make hamburgers out of their units. Or so I've been told ...

Chris said...

Holy man this was more than i had expected when i got home today.
Your back and forth cracked me up to no end.
Actually Denise reminded me tonite that she went to The Puppetry of the Penis about 3 years ago. She even purchased a shirt from it too. Of course she just couldnt come home and mention if it was good or bad. But she actually exploited me in the most of private and embarassing ways. Apparantly i wasnt as good as the show.
As for the horizon...When the dude was under the dryer there seemed to be an infinate description of what and where a horizon is, all i have to say is "FLAPPAGE"

Shannon said...

I guess you Canadians never saw the beer commercial (maybe Budweiser) where the guy was hitting on a girl in a bar and came back to his buddies saying he blew it. They said, "you broke the horizon, didn't you." And he said yes meaning he strayed from looking at her face when they were talking and looked at her chest. So that's what the "horizon" is all about.

LMAO about Denise trying to replicate the show!! I think it's in Jeff's best interest that I do NOT see that show. He'd be in a coma by the time I was done.

Jamie said...

My dh would be running for the "horizon" grabbing his crotch yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Heh - what an image ...

Char said...

Flying squirrel?
OMG, Chris...

George said...

OMG I am dying right now! LOL That is too funny! LMAO

Scott K. Johnson said...

LOL!!