Sunday, October 08, 2006

I Have a Dream

This does not seem to be getting any easier on us. It is always on our mind. We are 100% consumed by this disease. It feels like we are always thinking of ways and things to get over this. Such as lets go to the mall, lets not stay home from the wedding we were invited to yesterday, lets both go shopping, lets talk about something else, lets not look at other children and think Emma should be like them, lets not think about this, lets not think about this, lets not think about this.
Simply put...this is not going away. We have this for life. Emma will be fighting this for as long as she lives.
I used to dream. I used to dream about the hottest car on the block. I used to dream about the most charming and elaborated house in the neighborhood. I used to dream about traveling the world. I used to dream to have steak and sushi for dinner when I want. Those dreams are now mere thoughts. But now all I dream about is not having to get up in the morning and not have to give my daughter an insulin injection. I dream now of digging into a bag of cookies with my daugher tugging away at my pants for one, and me actually feeling great for giving her one without counting fucking carbs. I dream for my wife to not have to diligently plan her day as if her own life depended on it.
Upon Emma's conception we both did everything in our power to make our baby the most healthiest and happiest girl in the world. Then we get dumped on with this?! Why? Is this fair? As if you cannot tell I am just mad right now. Im sick of being sad. Im sick of my shoulders slouching when I walk and I am definitely more than sick of not being able to eat properly.
I know it will get easier. I know it will get routine and all that type of positive feedback. I know I know I know. But the thing that is the hardest is that the fact is has to become easier, routine, and a part of our life. So bring it on. We have and amazing team. We have a great leader. She makes me smile constantly even when I have tears streaming down my cheeks. Both me and Denise burst out in laughter in the middle of crying because of something she says or does. A smile will not cure diabetes but it sure is a good start.

2 comments:

Jenn said...

Chris I am so sorry about all of this. If I could I would change this for you guys! Dont know if anything I say will make you feel better. Love you guys!!!!

rubbing said...

Jenn,
Sorry if i sounded down or weak. But i really needed to vent somehow instead of talking it out with denise or myself. It sort of felt good. Iactually had a really good day yesterday eventhough that post did not elude to it.
I appologize for not being there more when your kids were/are sick. I now realize how much it impacts your world. But im glad amy is feeling better. Just keep her on her flovent and it will not even be a factor.