Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Paralyzed

Last week i travelled to Vancouver to attend a sales meeting at our head office. It was really nice to go back there. It is such an amazing world out there. There is no comparison to how life is out there and how it is out here.
I met up with a cousin of mine and my Aunt. I used to hang out with them often when i did my tour out there about 10 -15 years ago. The only care or responsibilities i had those days were to make sure i don't poop my pants, eat when hungry, and don't fall down when walking. Pretty care free days.
Fast forward to now. I know have a great job where people rely on me daily. I have gotten myself married and produced two girls. I have investments, two cars, and underwear with out any holes in them. So granted...things have changed a little since the last time i saw them.
I stayed the evening at their house. Caught up on a few things. One of the main focuses was with Emma and her diabetes. We talked and talked like we used to.
The next morning my aunt gave me a ride to the airport, and on the way we stopped in at the IHOP. The good ol' IHOP.
We continued to talk about life. Talk about Emma. Talk about the monster.
My aunt asked me straight up "what is the thing that scares you the most with Emma and her diabetes?".
Everything seemed to have stopped for that moment. It halted, life stopped, nothing mattered. I couldn't say another word. I was too busy stopping everything that was happening around me to vividly visualize the single most thing that scares me to no end.
My eyes glazed over as i pictured Emma running around at recess in grade 5. Happy as ever. Laughing. Running. Laughing. Imagining. Happy.
Then the first time she is ridiculed, teased, and taunted. The first time she is deliberately hurt. When they do this because of her diabetes.
I was paralyzed. I could not muster the words to tell her what scares me the most. I do not think i had to. I think she knew.
But i said it. It hurt to say it. Just as much as it hurts to think it. I am scared. because i know i cannot make it better.

6 comments:

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post Chris. It is scary, and it is hard. But she is Emma, and Emma is tougher than you may think. We are a very resilient breed us PWD's. We have to be.

jj said...

That's got to be the most painful thing...knowing that you cannot fix it and would take it away in a NY minute if you could. I'm so sorry.

Matt Bryer said...

be strong, you gotta be strong, im not completely sure but I've picked up that emma is your daughter, and the best thing you can do as a parent is be strong. You probably ask yourself why was it emma instead of me and unfortunately you can't change that. You gotta be strong because that will benefit you, but that will benefit emma the most

Carey said...

I hear ya, man. Good to see you back in the blogging world. Hope all is well.

Lisa said...

You hit the nail on the head with that one. Great post.

Molly said...

Dam diabetes. It is a monster.

But Emma will rise to the occasion. It will be the challenge in her life that will help her to be resilient, determined, and thoughtful.

Honestly, I was never teased for having diabetes. But I was teased for wearing knock off umbro shorts!

Emma is lucky that you are her dad!