Last week i travelled to Vancouver to attend a sales meeting at our head office. It was really nice to go back there. It is such an amazing world out there. There is no comparison to how life is out there and how it is out here.
I met up with a cousin of mine and my Aunt. I used to hang out with them often when i did my tour out there about 10 -15 years ago. The only care or responsibilities i had those days were to make sure i don't poop my pants, eat when hungry, and don't fall down when walking. Pretty care free days.
Fast forward to now. I know have a great job where people rely on me daily. I have gotten myself married and produced two girls. I have investments, two cars, and underwear with out any holes in them. So granted...things have changed a little since the last time i saw them.
I stayed the evening at their house. Caught up on a few things. One of the main focuses was with Emma and her diabetes. We talked and talked like we used to.
The next morning my aunt gave me a ride to the airport, and on the way we stopped in at the IHOP. The good ol' IHOP.
We continued to talk about life. Talk about Emma. Talk about the monster.
My aunt asked me straight up "what is the thing that scares you the most with Emma and her diabetes?".
Everything seemed to have stopped for that moment. It halted, life stopped, nothing mattered. I couldn't say another word. I was too busy stopping everything that was happening around me to vividly visualize the single most thing that scares me to no end.
My eyes glazed over as i pictured Emma running around at recess in grade 5. Happy as ever. Laughing. Running. Laughing. Imagining. Happy.
Then the first time she is ridiculed, teased, and taunted. The first time she is deliberately hurt. When they do this because of her diabetes.
I was paralyzed. I could not muster the words to tell her what scares me the most. I do not think i had to. I think she knew.
But i said it. It hurt to say it. Just as much as it hurts to think it. I am scared. because i know i cannot make it better.