Sometimes when there is so much to say i end up saying nothing at all. Sometimes when there is so much to do i end up doing nothing at all(ask my wife). The fact of the matter is that I have no idea where to start. How could i not have anything to say when so many unexpected factors are affecting every minute of our lives?
Maybe saying nothing says it all.
The only thing that i want to ask and answer myself is can Type1 Diabetes be any more of a screwed up disease? Yes i do believe so. Particularlly when two parents have to manage it within a toddler.
I remember my life as far back when i was 3 years old. I remember the joy of waking up on Saturday morning and watching cartoons and eating cereal in my jammies. I remember growing up with two Sisters getting carted off to ones' ringette game and the others dance classes. I remember playing my very first hockey game. I remember feelings and emotions that came hand in hand with growing up. I remember feeling dejected, praised, and accepted.
I relate fully to my litle girl growng up. I know how she is feeling when she is promissed for the next day her dada will take her to get her first fish bowl and fish. I remember that excitement the anticipation and the joy, the unknown.
I remember ALL of these things.
What i do not remember and cannot relate what soever is having a low blood sugar in the midst of a play group. I do not remember having high blood sugar and feeling "icky" before bed. I do not remember having to hide behind the couch so that momma or dada will not see me when it is time to have a needle. I never knew anything about my body other than it hurts when i fall it feels nice when i am clean and i pee when i have to.
All of this i never will claim that i know what it feels like or ever in my life will i ever know what this all feels like.
This is what is so hard about this. I cannot share my daughters pain. I want to. It would be condusive to our lives and management if we knew. Life doesn't suck..this does.
This is not a "poor me" post at all. This is a reality post. The reality of how I will never ever know one of the biggest factors in my little Emma's life.
I pray to god there will be a cure. Please say a prayer with me.