Wednesday, December 05, 2007


This kinda sucks, actually strike that, this DOES suck. I have seen many of these types of pictures. The ones i have seen have a really strong impact. But not until you do it yourself it really hits you hard. This is from no more than approximately 10 or so days. There are some that have this many in their sharps container in a few days.

Putting these into the new sharps container one by one. Thinking that every single one of those syringes has a story to it. They are not all the same. The hundreds of injections she has received already not one story lines up the same. Sure the doses may equal each other from day to day at times. They may feel the same when the point hits her skin. It may always be at 7:30 am she is dosed. Same NPH, Same Novo Rapid, same ratio.

But where is the non tangibles with this?

I will tell you.

They are in both Momma and Dadda's hearts. They are in Emma's maturity at such a young age. They are countless emotions prior to an injection that Emma goes through. They are in our sadness. They are in our relief. They are in other children we see. They are every single fucking morning wishing for a cure.

That is where they are. That is why our hearts ache.


Shannon said...

This post broke my heart because you use those syringes and others use the pump just to keep our children alive. If we're lucky, we're keeping them healthy. But first and foremost it's all about keeping them from dying.

I'm sorry I have nothing uplifting to say to you.

Fuck, when did I become such a downer? Dear lord.

Vivian said...

Chris, you are so right, it does suck! The good part is that you will always have an amazing bond with Miss Emma that might be different if D had not entered the picture. I think it really opens our eyes to things we may have taken for granted before. These kids are remarkable people and you my friend are a remarkable dad. Sending you and your family big hugs of understanding.

Chris said...

Thanks Viv and Debbie...oops i mean Shannon.
Sorry too for such a downer post. that is not how i feel all of the time. I just use this to get things down in writing because it is hard for me to express my feelings verbally. And i guess if people read my description of my blog (disclaimer of sorts) im pretty sure everyone will understand.
Thanks for your support througout this past year anyhow.

Bernard said...


Thanks for such a moving post. Having a child with diabetes just stinks. I often wonder how my Dad and Mum made it through the whole process.

Minnesota Nice said...

The only thing I can say is that the strength of us all - kids with db, adults with db, and parents contradicts modern logic.
How can anybody put up with this condition every day? Yet we do it.
Be proud of yourself, Chris, for fighting the battle head on and owning those painful emotions. If we constantly pretended it was easy, we'd all be a nutcase.
I wish you better days ahead!

Jamie said...

You're braver than I.

I can't bring myself to take a picture of this nature. I remember this summer we ran out of sharps containers. Vince was on holidays (he normally brings them home from work for us) and he said to just use an empty laundry detergent bottle or something of that nature to replace the sharps container. So, I had an empty jug (BIG jug) of Javex 2 that I started using. You know how big those are. Well, imagine, when it was full, how many syringes were in there.

I remember when it got too full, I put the lid on it and thought, "MY GOD - how many needles are in this damned thing????".

It's so sad - and all those needles went into my kid and jabbed her .... all summer long.

That is why our hearts ache, Chris. You're right.

Paige said...

We took a similar picture not long ago...I think it was a week's worth of syringes. It really does take your breath away to see them like that. I've had a post kicking around in my head for awhile about measuring our days out in needles and alcohol wipes and insulin bottles and test strips.

thinking of you guys...

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post Chris - what a tangible way to describe the intangibles that go along with this stuff.

It is all so very primitive to be happening in 2007. We settle for it because we have no choice, but it makes me mad.

Take care man - much love to you and your family.