Thursday, February 08, 2007

Did You Order Disorder?

It is very hard to imagine that one week has passed. This has been a test. I had a very long time to study for it. My instructors have lead me well. Many pop quizzes along the way, many late night study sessions and early morning drills. But "on paper" it all looks so organized and methodical. Until the day i was thrown into the fire.
Page 1.
Phone Number -this was definitely the easy part. No problemo.

Q. A family of three lives together in the capital city of Manitoba. The father (X)works long hours at a demanding physical job. The mother (Y) is a Social Worker for the Government ensuring other peoples children are safe from societies cruel intentions. The gorgeous daughter (Z) has diabetes and is a little too smart for her own good.

If: X + Y + Z = perfect
Therefore X - Y + Z = ?

A. Chaos.
I will take credit where credit is due. But when Y was incapacitated on Friday. It was like i did not know what to do. It became very apparent that we rely on Momma more than we thought. I am able to do every single task that is required at home, daycare and work. BUT not all at once in a perfect orderly fashion as we are all used to.

eg. Emma sits down for dinner. I am questioning myself over and over is this the right amount of carbs. What did she have for snack. What was her lunch number. Was she running around.
See i never have to do that on my own. I just have to put it out there and Momma usually has the answer.
I'm enjoying my supper but Emma is not eating. I'm thinking to myself this is odd, usually she at least plays with her food as soon as we sit. But a few minutes go by.
I start to worry and upon running my hands over my forehead and hair i notice something. So i got up. Walked over to the drawer. Grabbed a fork. Gave it to Emma. Then she ate it all up.
I was so worried about my basic needs such as don't fall down, sleep when tired, wipe ass. That I couldn't judge the task at hand.
Meanwhile Momma was on the Couch propped up enough to see this all unfold with tears running down her cheeks. She cannot move let alone laugh. So now she is laughing and adjusting so she cannot see us anymore. To avoid laughing because it hurts too badly.
Just then Emma mentions..."PEEE...PEEE" Oh my, quick grab her take her down and take her to her potty. Yes! Mission i thought.
Emma stands. I am so happy and relieved i averted a potential water hazard. Momma can see her behind and mentions without moving her lips "she has poo on sticking out of her bum Dadda."
NEVER EVER spook a 2year old with poo hanging out of their bum. Yes they tend to run away. They think a good hiding place would be behind the curtains on the other side of brand new carpeting. At this point i felt like i was hunting a gazelle in Africa with only one tree to hide behind. So i had only one choice but to flank her left side so she would run to my dominant right arm and scoop her upside down enough to balance the the poo enough until i got to the toilet where i shook her booty until it splashed into the bowl splashing me in the nose. Chaos.

But at the end of the day Momma is feeling much better today. I was waiting for her to turn that proverbial corner and start recovering. She did awesome. Our Emma knew enough to know she didn't know what was going on but to adapt the way we had to since Friday.
Emma blood sugars have been SPOT ON! The mix we give her in the morning has really dialed her in. But anyway that has been a little sliver of how our life has been. Things are going to be even more amazing when Momma recovers totally.
Life has been defining me lately and it has been filled with watching a part of me grow and take life in the form of a family. Emma has taught me more about being a man than anyone every has or ever will. Thank you for being here Emma.


Penny said...


I'm glad your wife is turning the corner.

She sounds like a very special lady and a wonderful mom to your little girl.

And you sound pretty awesome too, seeing how you avoided the poo disater and all.

Take care. You guys are still in my thoughts and prayers.

Carey said...

Ha! Hysterical. Couple nice saves there, Chris. My mother-in-law is golden glove caliber when it comes to catching falling poops.

I'm always asking my wife how many carbs are in various foods. She's a pro. Can definately relate to relying on my wife for that aspect of it.

Vivian said...

I am so glad your wife is doing better. Sounds like you handled everything great. Here is some advice: When your wife is totally recovered, don't forget! =)
Hope you have an awesome day.

Shannon said...

LMAO!! This was too funny. And you totally had me thrown with that algebra equation. By the way, Brendon informed me that 2+2 does not = just = lie (I posted about it).

I can just imagine the pain poor Denise was in as she was laughing her ass off watching you take care of Emma. Oh my.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Oh man - our wives/mothers of our children are just such a crucial part of our everyday equations aren't they!

Funny stories from it at least!

Shannon said...

I just had to only have ONE kid! LOL.

Minnesota Nice said...

So glad that things are looking up and Momma is at home.
You guys are doing great.

Kerri. said...

I'm happy to read that your wife is on the mend. And that Emma is making you smile. :)

Jamie said...

Omg Chris. I couldn't stop laughing at the poo story - I could completely picture the whole scene ... it's all so familiar in so many ways LOL LOL.

I'm glad to hear that Denise is feeling better and congrats on having good numbers with Emma!! Big pat on the back to you for doing such a wonderful job while Mommy was recouperating!!

Vivian said...

Just stopping by to see if everything is ok. Hope all is wonderful, have a great V-day!!

Shannon said...

New post please. One post per week minimum. It's running into 8 days now.

Sandra Miller said...


Hope all is well, and that illness has left the building.

I know it wasn't the case when you were living it, but (dang!) this was funny.

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