Saturday, January 06, 2007

Novo Virgin

Talk about "jinxing" ones self. I cannot believe that on my last post i actually mentioned Emma's Diabetes as being a breeze. What an idiotic thing to do/say. We have not even gotten through one logbook yet and i go and tell it on the mountain that this shit is easy.

Through the beginning of her book i am seeing her morning numbers 4.8,5.4,5.6,4.0, 4.9 etc. You get the picture. But the last three pages of Am readings have been riddled by 5.9's, 6.9's, 6.5's etc. You get the picture. And yes so are we getting that same picture too. This is NOT going away. This is NOT getting easier. I know you all must have been reading my blogs and thinking to yourself (because you were too nice to say "out loud") this poor sucker...the reality of managing this has not even begun to surface.

Miss Emma has been sick to 3 days now. Momma took her to the Dr. today and she has a double ear infection. And her asthma is acting up like we haven't seen it in a while. She started off this morning at 6.0 (108) NICE! Midday 12.0 (216) NOT nice. Dinner 21.8 (392.4) call the on call Dr.

See this has never hapend to us before. Just like the day she was diagnosed has never happened to us before. I certainly did feel like someone tapped me on the shoulder this afternoon and introduced me to this disease once again. It hurt me. It hurt me bad. We did everything we could this past few days to avoid a call to the Dr. To avoid the next step. And that next step was administering fast acting. I know this is because she is sick. But it was a huge wake up call.

It was the actuality of cracking open that vile for the first time that ripped me. It read about how ever diabetic does this, how every parent troubles through this but i just read it. I felt compassionate for you all. But i had no freaking clue. But now i do. I guess these are times we need our support the most. These are the times we need to dig our heels in. Family and friends need to know what is going on. That is essential.

Well its late and it has been an intense day. We are moving on Friday and we are pooped. But i cannot go without metntioning the GOLD and the GREATEST. What a day to be Canadian.

Take care.

9 comments:

Megan said...

Isn't it weird how those certain milestones hurt almost as much as the diagnosis? At least momentarily?

I was the upset, I took just fast acting for awhile, then added Lantus. I remember taking that script to the pharmacy irking me. I remember going on my pump bringing up all kids of emotions. And next week will be my first flight with a pump and I fully expect that to be interesting too.

But you seem to be doing well. And I'll let you in on a dirty little secret. As my honeymoon was ending, I had the "it's all down hill from here" attitude as I too looked through my logbooks and saw creeping up numbers and larger standard deviations. Well, that's not entirely true. Once the honeymoon faded out I had a better idea for what my insulin doses needed to be, and I was getting to a point where managing diabetes became simpler and more a thought process and a habit than a chore. So yeah, in some ways, it does get easier. I promise.

Chris said...

megan....thanks. i guess it will be a little easier when she has no insulin production at all becase at least we know she has none and not any lurking in the background, that is just plain screwy.
thank you for the nice comment. and good luck next week with your pump and its issues.

Jamie said...

Chris - man, we've gone through all the same emotions. All these little realities come and slap you in the face from time to time as you come to the realization that this is definitely NOT going to go away. I've come to detest the honeymoon phase. I hate it with a passion. I've had Dr. Sellars tell me to "enjoy it". What's there to enjoy??? My kid fluctuates all over the damned board because of it. I actually am awaiting the end of the cursed honeymoon phase so things actually get a bit easier (as Megan stated). It's been a year and a half now of honeymooning (wow), so it has to end sometime soon lol.

I'm sorry little Emma is sick. Ear infections hurt! Her numbers will stabilize for you once she starts to feel a bit better (the antibiotics will help that!).

Good luck with the move, too. You're one busy man these days!

Hang in there.

Chris said...

I know its weird that i want this phase to end but in the same sense i do not. Diabetes really does test you as much as you test the diabetes. Another weird thing that i feel in a way special to have this in our lives. In regard to a family that couild not manage it as well as we (all of us) do and thier child getting really really sick.
What will the catch be when we are out of the honeymoon, will we want it back? I think the best new years resolution would be to look toward the future and not live in the past and enjoy what we got not what we dont have.
Yes very busy but that is the way i like it. However when things do settle down the three of us will be spending a weekend in Brandon and looking forward to meeting you then. It will be nice for emma to see another little girl get tested. It will be fun.

MileMasterSarah said...

Chris,
I didn't realize that your Emma was not on fast-acting insulin yet. Reading this just hurt my heart. Gracie has not had to use fast acting insulin yet. Just thinking about fast acting makes my heart sink. Just sink. I don't even have good words to say, because I know I will feel the same way you do when it is Gracie's time to open up novolog for the first time. I know that needing fast acting is going to change everything. And I'm comfortable with just lantus. Man oh man.

Shannon said...

There WILL be days when managing diabetes is a breeze and days when it isn't.

And on days when most people find it difficult to deal with, you may find it easy.

Taking care of diabetes is so relative and so dependent on how we deal with problems in general.

You ran into a sick day which is difficult for anyone to deal with. I hope the munchkin gets well soon!

Carey said...

It is frustrating. It's been just over three years now since Charlie's diagnoses, and I still try to find logic in a disease that has none. Hang in there and try to come to terms with the fact that it just won't be perfect. There will be good days and bad days. Good hours and bad hours. There's just too many factors to compete with with a growing child. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

Gramma said...

I would like to comment on what a wonderful job I think Chris and Denise are doing with this 'monster' in their lives. I know you are churning inside about it, but you always do exactly what you need to do to make it right for Emma. You check her numbers, you are on top of what she eats, you call the Dr. when you aren't sure of what to do, but most of all the two of you communicate and figure things out.

No one expects you to have all the answers all the time. As Emma is in the infant stages of this, so are you. Everyone is learning.

Emma is well adjusted and that is because of her parents. You have not let this change her life, just added another step to her care.

When I sat for you the other night, Denise's instructions were very clear and plain. She showed me twice how to do the test and I felt very confident that if Emma woke up while you were out I could and would do the test. Have no doubt that you too would have had a phone call with the report, but because you trusted me enough to be with her I felt I was able to step up to the plate to help.

You are doing a great job you guys. This is just one more notch in the diabetes belt.

Keep up the good work. The family is all here to help. Please use us.

Penny said...

Chris,

When I read your last post I didn't think you didn't know what you were talking about(when you said it was a breeze). I was thinking, enjoy it while you can.

Riley has had D for 15 months now and there were days when I thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad." I don't have days like that anymore. We have good days and we have bad days. But, what I always remember is that even if his numbers are great, he still has diabetes. Even though his numbers are great, they can change literally in minutes.

This disease is no new for you and your family. Reading your posts sometimes stirs up emotions I haven't felt in a long time. Emotions that were always bubbling at the surface when Riley was newly diagnosed.

We just experienced our first illness since he got D and it was a nightmare. But, after 1 1/2 days on his antibiotics his sugars were pretty much back to normal.

I know this is getting long, and I'm sorry. But, I just wanted to say that it sounds like you love your little girl very much and you're doing everything you can for her. And at the end of the day that's what really matters.