Hurting

This kinda sucks, actually strike that, this DOES suck. I have seen many of these types of pictures. The ones i have seen have a really strong impact. But not until you do it yourself it really hits you hard. This is from no more than approximately 10 or so days. There are some that have this many in their sharps container in a few days.

Putting these into the new sharps container one by one. Thinking that every single one of those syringes has a story to it. They are not all the same. The hundreds of injections she has received already not one story lines up the same. Sure the doses may equal each other from day to day at times. They may feel the same when the point hits her skin. It may always be at 7:30 am she is dosed. Same NPH, Same Novo Rapid, same ratio.

But where is the non tangibles with this?

I will tell you.

They are in both Momma and Dadda's hearts. They are in Emma's maturity at such a young age. They are countless emotions prior to an injection that Emma goes through. They are in our sadness. They are in our relief. They are in other children we see. They are every single fucking morning wishing for a cure.

That is where they are. That is why our hearts ache.

The Week in Pictures

Good week with our little girl. Terrible week with our uninvited guest.










Go Bombers Go!


Go Mommy Go!

Exploiting My Self X7

1. I love to cook, eat, and drink ANYTHING. I am pretty sure there is not one thing on this planet that i cannot stomach. Once while fishing with spider monkeys of the coast of st cox's bazaar i ate stew where the main ingredient was spit.

2. I have never broke 80 on the golf course. The closest i have come to it was a 83 on my home course in Vancouver 10 years ago. I hurt my back soon after smoking too much peyote and trying to cliff dive into a lake of crusty hay.

3. I have hairy balls. I actually have a friend who's last name is Ballharry. Good thing he was an early bloomer or he could have been ridiculed to death.

4. I once had a meeting with a University Volleyball coach to see if i was interested in playing at the University level. But i got laid that summer so i lost interest in Volleyball for a while.

5. I stayed overnight at my friends house recently and switched all of the cereal bags into the wrong boxes, then i pooped in their cat litter.

6. I cut my toenails three times a year.

6.5 . This past two weeks i have had 20 or so double shot espresso from Starbucks. My stomach flipped and fluttered like the first time you see your new born child as i drove by a Starbucks today. I am addicted, and i will need help on this very soon. You can say a Doppio is my vice, my crutch, my Friend.

7. I have cried more in this past year than i ever have all together in my entire life. Even though it has been one of my best all around years.

Being tagged is like a comment on my blog glorified. Thanks Amylia and Viv!

What it is..

it is November 14...

it is Frederick Banting's birthday
it is a very important day
it is a global health concern
it is time to be aware
it is World Diabetes day




...if there is any good time to "de-lurk" the time is now. So please everyone who is lurking within this blog it is time to show your face. That would show that some of my efforts on here are working.





ps.
Momma,
it will get easier

Even on the West Coast I Missed it

Arg! I can not bellieve i missed D-Blog posting day. I got tottally caught up in all of your posts. Tried to comment on most of them that i read too. So i guess we can consider the commenting a post? Will that wash with yous guys?

Anyhow we are off in few minutes for the weekend so i do not have much time.

So i can leave you with some visuals until next time. I hope you enjoy!

Life is Beautiful

I was sitting in the other room this morning going over my day. Thinking of where i am going what types of goals i should set for the calls I make. At this moment it was time for Emma's morning dose. Lately it has been a task giving her insulin and even just testing her has become more of a process with bribing, pausing, or even HOLD YOUR BREATH...turning DORA completely off...gasp! But we will never make idle threats and irrational commentary for her to cooperate.
Anyway i was sitting there now focuses on the two voices in the other room. It went kind of like this:

emma please this will only take one second...

momma..do you have diabetes?

no sweetie..

what did you eat for breakfast? why don't you need insulin?

i had cereal, my pancreas makes insulin, but you need yours through your arm, leg or bum

This is dialogue that occurs quite frequently in our home. Most of the time it is not prompted by us asking about her diabetes but her asking us about it. She will be 3 in December. So lets say she is 2 at the moment. So how does a 2 year old comprehend this? Yes she does comprehend it because of this short snippet of dialogue i over heard the other day just after i heard the "beep" on her freestyle:

oh Emms i need to give you 1 unit.

no momma i feel low (the reading was 17.7 btw)

emms you feel low? what happens when you feel low?

my tummy hurts and i eat snack

Diabetes is on our minds. It is the topic of most of our conversations. It fills my thoughts all day. It is not consuming me or us. It is a part of us. We know what happens when you don't think about it and let your guard down for one second. One second can change how a days numbers are, how irritable Emma can be, or how yucky she feels.
So our dukes are ALWAYS up. This is fine with me. I welcome it. Our skin is becoming callused just as Emma's fingers are. If you think you know your child. Try having a child with this disease.
You actually think you can see inside them. You are always looking at possible symptoms of a high or a low. But wishing for the symptom of a normal blood sugar.
This disease allows you to see how gorgeous your little souls are.
It allows us to realize how lucky we are to be able to give them insulin.
It allows us to know how beautiful life is.
It really is beautiful.

The Tools of the Trade

This is what seems to be working for us these days. The combination of myself and Denise pulling together trying to start Emma's day off on some good numbers.

First is the Log Book. It gives us a quick at glance look that encompasses the entire month. With a spot for notes and changes. I really like this tool. And we do not fumble around with the little log books that come with the monitor.

Second is the newest addition to our family. The Salter food scale. It has a data base of 900 foods and simply gives you the carbohydrates in that particular food. As well it is a good learning tool to gain a better guesstimation when scales and measuring devices are not available.

Thirdly i would like you to meet my best friend in the morning. I seem to stand in front of it constantly watching Emma eat and recalculating by wiping off numbers with my thumb and putting new ones as she eats or doesn't eat something. Like i said it all stems on her morning number. (It looks like you got a sneak peek into some names we are throwing around too).

And finally you may be familiar with our cupboard in the past. It hasn't really changed much. The only thing that has changed however is the amount of insulin Emma is umm..eerrr..consuming? And of course the Pre Natal vitamins. But here it is none the less.

We do all this diligently in the morning. Pull together and then send her off to day care. Where it can easily fall apart just from someone being careless or having a moment. Sure human error is always an issue. But it will be nice when Momma is off at the end of December to gain control and be able to manage Emma all day long. Oh yea and have supper ready for when i come home;)