Is It So

Last week our Endo was really impressed on how we were sitting over the past year and actually took time to reflect with us. There was in intern with her too so i thought that was a great thing to do with her there.
Doctor Sellers asked us what has been the biggest change in the past year? It is by far the fear factor.
One year ago both Denise and myself were absolutely petrified. There was nothing more frightening than thinking that we have to draw medication from a vile, measuring it properly and injecting it into our daughter.
Fear.
The fact that if the dose is wrong or inaccurate that will make Emma sick and compromised.
Fear.
Emma will be alone walking to school one day. She should be getting slurpees with her friends after school. She will eventually be out of our line of site. This may cause this disease to find vulnerability in our little girl and hurt her.
Fear.
Emma is going to be teased. She will be looked at differently from many people including family, friends, co-workers. Emma will cry because of this. She will have to worry about this instead of worrying about if her shoes are "in" or her braces may look weird.
It is very fearful.

One Year Ago Today

I woke up early as usual. Quietly raced to the shower, creeping between the squeaky hardwood floors guessing where the non squeakage boards are. This was important that I let Momma and Emma sleep. They have had a terrible last couple of days. Emma's days consisted of crying a lot, drinking more, and peeing even more. Mommas last days were spent missing work and going to a walk in clinic hoping to get medication for Emma's' bladder infection. (That would have been really awesome if she did have that infection!)
Then they were informed without any reason to go to her Pediatrician, Hospital, back to the Pediatrician, then essentially back to the Children's Hospital where she met our next head on at 100 miles an hour.
All this time we were talking on the phone between trips while i was at work. Momma was crying, stressed, and confused. I was the Man. Right? Being "The Man" holds responsibility. It holds an expectation. It holds the right to say nothing is wrong and to walk it off.
Well..."The Man" got his ass kicked hard that day.
The man realizes there is something more powerful than anything he could imagine. It is:
Emma, Mom, Dad facing a Diabetes Specialist informing us that Emma has Type 1 Diabetes. And is here to stay even if we do not welcome it day to day.
Upon falling into this dark deep hole. You start to rationalize if this person knows what they are talking about. Your doubt is only temporary. Your doubt turns into complete sadness. Your sadness turns into utter confusion. All the while seeing your wife quiver with her head down and knowing she is not just being a girl, but being a human being who is getting the gravity of the situation but not understanding it.
Where is the light? Where is the hand that is going to grab you and take you to safety? Please show us. But instead the Doctor went directly into telling us about insulin, blood sugars, testing, highs, lows. THIS IS REAL.
Is my child's life in danger? Can she die? What the fuck is diabetes?
I will never ever forget this day. Nor do i want to. Everyone must know. Everyone must see Emma go through this She is the bravest person i know.
She is and always will be my Hero.
I love you Emma. We will keep you safe.

A Dynamic Little Girl

A Mid-Summer NIght Classic

I remember my first drive in. Begging my parents to take me to KING KONG. And finally getting the go ahead and grabbing our pillows. Dressing in our jammies. Air so thick of anticipation of not knowing what to anticipate.
Cars gradually filling up the weedy gravel lot. Noticing the site looks about 100 years old (that was back in '77), but it didn't matter to the masses to would pull up to the best spot they can find. Then that was your spot. Your spot WAS the best spot.
Very very memorable.
I hope last night is going to be just as memorable and largely imprinted in Emma's mind as much as it was mine. I sure will remember our time last night forever.

The site (Not like the "site" pumpers refer to):

The "THREE" of them in the back (yes you can read between the lines on that one, and I'm not including the care bears in that statement):

Me, yes genuinely happy because of the the the fact the Simpson's movie is starting once that darn sun goes down (Emma happy because shewas just dosed down from 23 (414) and feeling much better:

SHOWTIME!!:

Oh yes....it was Emma's first full week/full days at her "Big Girl Daycare".

It has been quite the adjustment. Not only because of her her new days but because of her new days of her pancreas not producing any insulin at all. So as we are thrusted into another phase of her management we are presented with a tonne of variables that we have just been reading, and hearing about since last September. So much to say and report on. So other than missing my cutoff for my sports picks i am looking forward to mustering up a post about this soon.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Take care!!

Gluten Free Supper

Even though our supper was gluten free, it was full of laughs, good company, great conversation, and 3 adoroable little girls.

Thanks for a great evening Jamie and next time i will plan on stocking a few more beers in my fridge instead of bolting out the front door to do an undercover beer run.

Birthday lows can be treated with chicken.

I highly suggest grabbing a can of beer. Drinking half of it. Rubbing oil on a 4 pound chicken. Rubbing your spice rub all over it. Cranking the chickens orifice over the can of beer and cooking it on indirect heat for 1 hour. Then i suggest eating it.

Absolutely the best way to cook a chicken in the summer.

Birthday today. I am 21 (sort of, kind of). And for my birthday i gave. I gave treatment to our first night time low. Emma's BG's have been increasing as you all know. But now they are digging their sharp little teeth in letting us know that they will be around from now on.

However one good thing came out of this low. Emma must think we are the best parents in the world! Like as if her other friends parents would wake her up at 12am to MAKE her eat smarties. It was hard not to laugh about this for me as it was happening. It was either laughing at it and not letting it get to me or balling my eyes out like my first instinct would want. So i chose to laugh ABOUT it not at it.

I know we will have more of these. It is the nature of the beast sort of speak. But until then diabetes can eat me. Sans the beer can shoved up my ass.

However the way i golfed today it sure felt like i had two of them stuck up there.

These are my brotha's from UPS. (well 1 Brotha and two Brothers). If there are a few good things i could draw from my time there would definitely be the friendships i developed with the people there. They are great people, great family guys, hard workers and most of all great friends.

So that's it for now i am going to go stand under a cold shower as it was 37 Celsius on the course today and needless to say i have Shweddy Balls. Then off to the Keg (my fave) for supper with the girls.

**** EDIT******

OK..back from the Keg now. I was attacked, but i think i got the better of him in the end.

Thanks Luke

So the tournament is over. We didn't win. But did place in the top 6! Awesome!
Luke headed home quickly after his round. To be home for a few weeks before the tour starts up again in Montreal.
I felt he could have won this tournament today. He had his head in it, his swing was good, and his putting was on fire. However not enough today. But he will win. This is his rookie season and has a lot of golf ahead of him.
As for my caddying career, it will be put on hold until next July. But until then i will be hitting the squat rack and doing many calf raises in preparation for a solid performance for the 2008 Free Press Open.
Good times Luke. Thanks for the week.

Canadian Tour

So if you have been visiting my site this past couple of weeks you may have noticed a new link on my blog roll (the blogs i read); Luke Swilor. Shortly after starting my blog a year and a half ago i luckily ran across his blog. I was fascinated being a golf nut of sorts and reading his blogs about his road to making the PGA tour.

So this past spring he won a full exemption to the Canadian Tour. I was smitten that he made it. I congratulated him and was excited to read about the coming season. So then it dawned on me that the tour comes through Winnipeg every July for the Winnipeg Free Press Classic. It is one of the more prestigious tournaments on the tour and a good one to win as they go on a break for 4 weeks after.

So i emailed him a couple of weeks ago and offered him to accommodations at our house and for me to caddy for him. He declined on the staying here, very understandingly, but took me up on my volunteering my time to caddy for him for the four days.

If you read his blog the last three posts will describe his time here and his golf game. As for me this was one of the most amazing experiences i have encountered so far. Being inside the ropes at a professional golf tournament...how better does that get. I will tell you. Carrying one of the top ten players of the weeks bag. Over the weekend the galleries got a little larger and expected to be larger tomorrow as it is the final day.

One thing for sure is the caddies on TV make that job look a hell of a lot easier than it really is. However i think i had the easier task out of the two of us. Luke has a great head on his shoulders and works hard at his game. I know because of that, tomorrow will be good to him. I feel this is his day. He has some ground to make up but will finish strong.

Wish us luck and follow him if you can. Follow us here, and choose live leader board. I am sure to post his result soon after.