My Hope

Well here we go. Two days away from our first of many JDRF walks.
What are we in for?
How will we feel?
Is this even worth it?
Should we have raised more money?
Done more volunteering?
So many questions.
I have been looking forward to in the past months was this walk. Both of us have for that matter. I know everyone else involved does not know what they are in for.
We are uniting. We are walking for our little girl. She needs us. Everyone there will be there because they want to. They need their face there to show everyone else that they care. It is necessary.
Surrounded by so many little ones with diabetes will have an impact on those who are walking with us on Sunday. Even i know they have been impacted already but i am sure they are in for something new.
I really hope it is evident that day.
My hope is they know how important of a day this is for us. My hope for them is that they feel some emotion relative to the day we were told about this altering disease.
Emma Denise and myself need the 40 other walkers on Team Emma to see the other 2 year olds, the other 10 year olds, and the other teenagers that this is a serious fuck of a disease.
Realizing that taking your 2 year old to the zoo and breaking for a snack because they may be hungry is not why you stop for a snack. You stop. You think. You look around at all the juice boxes given to the kids so the "guardian" can sit and have a break. Knowing they will be occupied for the next 3 minutes still, not thirsty, sucking this 30 gram of carb box of sugar back. While they squeeze the box upon sucking every last drop out of it, chucking into the garbage and carrying on to go see the monkeys. While looking at the monkeys you look at your little monkey with your newly adopted xray vision. Looking her as a number. Where is it going? Did she have too much. Or not enough. What is she now. Where is she.
So be it ... So be it if i have to quickly drink half of the drinking box so my daughter only consumes 15 grams of it. So be it if i have to monitor her actions, color, and mood after a juice box. So be it.
As much as this is so. It still hurts. She is Emma. She is safe.

Wonder Auntie

Emma's Auntie Linda has fallen ill this past week. This is her daycare provider. I feel by designating her with that title really minimizes of who she is and what she really does.

She is how come Emma is how she is today. A brilliant, vibrant, alert, polite , caring, inquisitive TWO YEAR OLD. Sure i give us credit over here. But it is Auntie Linda who harbours all of what Emma is taught day in - day out. We are probably the luckiest parents in Winnipeg right now.

When Emma was dx'd with TYPE 1 this past year. Auntie embraced the entire learning something new. She didn't even flinch. She just wanted to know what she needed to know, but she did not only know it after. She learned it like it was her daughter that was just diagnosed.

A few months later Auntie herself was dx'd with type 2. She told us that Emma and herself will work together on this to keep each other balanced. Both myself and Denise have tried to inform her of what she should be doing to manage her diabetes, but we couldn't tell her anything new that she didn't already know.

It is cute and heartbreaking at the same time when we talk about Aunties diabetes in front of Emma because her little (loud) voice pipes up with a huge grin she touches her chest and proclaims "Atie has Dibeeetees an so dus Emaa"!!!!

She is sure in good company. We are consciously trying to surround her with kids with type 1 for obvious reasons and we love when she is around kids who do not have it and runs faster than them, counts higher, and recites her ABC's.

She is an amazing little girl this is for sure. Thank you Auntie. I hope you feel better real soon. We need you.

Diabetes Shmiabetes

The Wedding

The wedding was easily one of the best weddings i have ever been involved in. Everything went smooth. Everyone there were such nice people. And oh yes i do have to add Generous as well.

Holy.!!!

So instead of singing, clinking of the glasses, trivia..etc... a donation was made to make the newlyweds kiss during the reception dinner. Needless to say i don't thing they have done that much kissing since he was courting her 10 years ago.

In turn Emma and her JDRF campaign benefited like i couldn't even fathom. It did help that she was running around being cute (herself) melting the hearts of all of the aunts, uncle and cousins.

So that evening The couple raised 250 big ones for Emma. When the Emcee announced at the beginning of the evening the procedure of how to make them kiss, i couldn't help but let a couple of tears trickle down my cheek. I looked over at Denise down from the head table she had one or two flowing down as well. I looked over to the Bride and Groom and just couldn't compose myself any longer. I just couldn't believe what was happening.

20's, 10's, loonies, toonies flyng in from all directions. The speeches were done i was hanging out with the Groom at the podium for a few minutes and people were lined up to give support and donate. I tried to thank all of them but there were many anonymous detonators too.

Today at the day after lunch. I was slow and groggy as i did drink a few whiskies just a few hours before. I went to get some coffee, came back to the table. Sitting there was a Styrofoam cup with some bills and change in it.

I had learned that the cousins ranging in age from 3-10 took Emma and the cup around the room and raised another $100. Very overwhelming.

People are amazing creatures. I am thrilled and honored to be in the company of such class.

Kissy Kissy$

This morning before i ran out of the house i decided to pour myself one last cup of Coffee because i knew i would need it today.

As i was pouring my cell rang. It was Leif. I am his best man at his wedding this weekend. Leif is a great friend, that is a no brainer. But this morning he did something extraordinary.

He mentioned instead of clinking glasses, telling a joke, singing a song, for the couple to kiss Saturday that they will be having a donation area for Emma with proceeds going towards the JDRF. You may want to read that over a few times.

I was blown away. I had to sit. I had tears once again swelling up. And this was before i did anything this morning. What an awesome day. What an awesome friend. I am defiantly privileged to be surrounded by people like him and his wife.

This sort of thing has rung through from him for as long as i have known him. Thank you Leif. I am honored to have you on my side.

DeeTour...sort of

I can hardly wait until summer is in full swing so i can go to the beach and show off my ab. It is sexy. I will even pour oil on it so everyone can benefit from its presence.

Isnt it funny how we use any circumstance to rationalise not doing something or doing something the way we do it. I know how much better i manage my life when i look after myself. That is a no brainer my friends.

The day of Emma's dx (September 29, 2006) about 2 hours before i got "THE CALL" (play du du du daaaa.....music here) i went to the gym at noon as i always did for years. Got changed ran up the stairs into the free weight area. Strutted (yes i strutted back then, Denise likes when i strut my stuff, usually putting my genitalia between my legs making as if i am a lady for the time being) to the flat bench threw on one plate a side (plate =45 lbs), ripped out 15 easy warm up reps. Banged the bar down on the brackets. Sprung up switched my MP3 player to megadeath - symphony of destruction (YOU TAKE A MORTAL MAN...AND YOU PUT HIM IN CONTROL...) threw on two one more plate a side (45 * 4 + 45 (bar) = 225 pounds layed down deep breath pumping out 8 clean reps.

Now where the hell did that go? Oh yea Emma has diabetes so that is the reason i cannot bench 225 anymore. I have to come home and make sure she is alive. AS IF!!!! What a dufus.

Don't you think if i was training through this whole ordeal i would be more set up to learn more and more patient with how i deal with it? Man did i ever take the easy way out.

There its in writing.

I will cure myself of this tail between my legs thinking. And i bet you dollars to doughnuts my sales increase too when i recover from "rationalitis". I am accepting pledges, and other forms of donations in quest to get my 225 chest and my 120 arm curls back. HMPH. me man ...me roar.

I was inspired by two ladies carving their names in a tree. You need inspiration from somewhere. And gosh darn it i found it. My handy old bellybutton lint catcher will be a thing of the past.

Brave New World

Tonight:

Emma - "i am brave...right Daddy?"

Me - (holding back tears) "Yes Emma you are the Bravest girl I know".

Rewind about 8 months ago. After giving her one of her first needles on our own with out her crying. I mentioned to her that she was a very good girl. Mom had heard this and we discussed it if that was the right thing to say.

If we think about it we are not praising her for taking the needle with out crying or squirming. What is going to happen when she does squirm or cry and we don't tell her she is a good girl.

Being brave is what we have to do as her parents. She is the one showing us how to be brave. We are blessed to have such a brave girl.

This past Tuesday:

Emma - (stabbing her last piece of french toast) "Momma i have to eat all my carbs....these are carbs right Momma?"

Mom - "Yes Emma my little girl you need to eat your carbs because you need your energy for play group today"

I saw her say this with her shoulders back and head up high. Proud of her brave little girl.

This is hard. It is getting harder. Are we ready? Do we have a choice but to be ready? This is it. This is what i have been talking about the past 8 months. The inevidable. We thought it would never come. But knew it was just around the corner.

We were hoping for a little more time with our Miss Emma before this fuck of a disease overtakes her fully. Why couldn't it wait longer. Is this the school of hardnocks? She shouldnt know what a carb is. Why does she confirm at 2 years old that she is brave.

She is going to be in school before we know it. Walking to class with her friends. Getting braces. Her drivers liscence. Her first date. Graduating. Fuck it i can t write anymore. This sucks. Sorry.
Bye

Out of Towner

OMFG Jamie!!!!
I was in Gladstone this afternoon. (about an hour or so northish of Brandon). I was having a late lunch around 3:00 at a bakery in this small town where i did stick out like a sore thumb at best.
I started reading Jamie's post on my Blackberry. The first thing i saw was the pic of Brooke. How adorable is that.
Then i started to read. Deeper into the post my grin was becoming the largest smile that side of Manitoba has seen in a long time.
Then came the redo rick (sp). Then came the chuckles. Then you know when your not in an appropriate spot to laugh out loud especially when your alone in a bakery 3 hours away from home eating bland celery soup sitting with the Hutterites?...yea that kind of scenario.
Then came the comments between Shannon, you, you then Shannon..oh my.

I just fell short of celery exploding through my nose. But i regained my composure. Finished lunch. And reflected on how lucky i was not to expend celery through any of my orifices....SO I THOUGHT!!!

Forty five minutes later in the middle of no-where my stomach decides it doesn't like celery in its soup form. Please..not now. I just want to get home safely. ook ok ..i get it at least let me find a fucking Esso or Husky. I don't even care if i have to ask for the key holding my ass....just get me to that porcelain pony that i want to take for a wild yet relieving ride.

VICTORY! I made it. To what WAS a clean bathroom. I don't care. Its all good. Like you don't know how good it is. Maybe you do.

Well any how with saying that i totally enjoyed and embraced My brief moment with a fellow OC'r and catch up on how our little Joys are doing.

This was actually started to be a comment on Jaimie's blog about my balls but it was looking more like a post so i cut and pasted this in here. Two birds down.

I hope to hear from all of you soon possibly on this comment section or on a new post of yours. Let me know how all of you are doing and your children too. As Denise talked to the Doctor today and started a new attack on Emma's ratio, intake, and management of it all. Feels like a new UN-charted phase we are entering.

Talk to you all soon.